Little tiny feet
patter across the edges of
who I am. Sometimes the brush
of a wing in landing, the slight
weight on my shoulder, or a wisp of
warm breath. Here. Gone. Before
I catch on. They attend me,
solicitous, constant. I glow
inside the luminous shell of
their tender care.
© GyllianDavies 11.25.09
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
DANCING WITH THE SHADOW
The retreat I led last weekend was called "THE TREE OF LIGHT, Dancing in Your Heart". Naturally, since we called the Light, the Shadow showed up too! People came back from one of the drumming journeys so frustrated with the monkey mind voices that showed up, voices of self-criticism, voices reminding of un-done tasks, voices that wouldn't be quiet.... There it was - that pesky Shadow! Who invited that one, and how do we usher it out of the room - NOW!
As I reflected on this unwelcome guest I began to notice the rich gifts that it brought - if we were willing to receive them. I noticed how our cultural default is to push it away, to see it as distracting, sometimes destructive, maybe even dangerous.But what happens if we respond to our shadow parts with affection, with thoughtful curiousity... What happens if we turn to them, saying with a kind voice, "You really do have yourself in a knot about this! What's the feeling that's fueling all these words?" And then, after listening carefully to that out-pouring, what would we hear if we asked "What's the true source of all these feelings?"
Sometimes these parts of ourselves may be stunned to mute astonishment that we are actually listening to them from a place of respect. Sometimes there will be an outpouring of babble that has to be waited through, till the essence emerges from underneath, like the golden amber of the ale or the fragrant dark liquid of the espresso rising from under the dispersing froth and foam. AND it matters that this frothy foam is not being "waded" through, but waited through. In the waiting there is a deep trust that essential truth will emerge. Whatever is there, waiting to be noticed, listened to, may be an essential facet in the gleaming jewel of our own self-knowledge and wisdom.
So I invite you - the next time one of those shadowy voices begins to mutter (or even shout) inside your head, step back. Be your own witness and take a moment to ask a few thoughtful questions. And as you do that include this one: "How do you serve? What's the job you do for ______ (insert your name here)?" You may receive some light-casting, heart-melting answers. I know I have.
As I reflected on this unwelcome guest I began to notice the rich gifts that it brought - if we were willing to receive them. I noticed how our cultural default is to push it away, to see it as distracting, sometimes destructive, maybe even dangerous.But what happens if we respond to our shadow parts with affection, with thoughtful curiousity... What happens if we turn to them, saying with a kind voice, "You really do have yourself in a knot about this! What's the feeling that's fueling all these words?" And then, after listening carefully to that out-pouring, what would we hear if we asked "What's the true source of all these feelings?"
Sometimes these parts of ourselves may be stunned to mute astonishment that we are actually listening to them from a place of respect. Sometimes there will be an outpouring of babble that has to be waited through, till the essence emerges from underneath, like the golden amber of the ale or the fragrant dark liquid of the espresso rising from under the dispersing froth and foam. AND it matters that this frothy foam is not being "waded" through, but waited through. In the waiting there is a deep trust that essential truth will emerge. Whatever is there, waiting to be noticed, listened to, may be an essential facet in the gleaming jewel of our own self-knowledge and wisdom.
So I invite you - the next time one of those shadowy voices begins to mutter (or even shout) inside your head, step back. Be your own witness and take a moment to ask a few thoughtful questions. And as you do that include this one: "How do you serve? What's the job you do for ______ (insert your name here)?" You may receive some light-casting, heart-melting answers. I know I have.
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